I never thought it could happen to me.

October 13, 2007 will be a big day for me. It marks the one-year anniversary of the day that I got out of an abusive relationship. I can hear your jaws hitting the floor now. That’s the reaction I usually get when I tell people that, yes, it happened to me. I never thought it would be possible. Only poor, white trash, barefoot and pregnant women are abused. I’m too smart, with too good of a family, too well-off and too, well, normal, for that to happen to me. I always thought I would know better. But I was wrong. And it’s taken me a long time to realize that there was nothing I could have done to have stopped it. He was just that good.

We met in March 2006 at a bar. He was different. He told me he wanted to get to know me for me and that set him apart. I went on that first date with the perspective that, if nothing else, it would be a free dinner! We connected right away and were immediately inseparable. It seemed like the makings of a fairy –tale love story. Before I knew it, I had more or less moved in with him. I still had my apartment, but if I went there once a week, that was a lot. I quickly lost my best friends and began to fight with my family – both very uncharacteristic of me. He had me convinced that none of those special people really cared about me. That he was the only one I could rely on.

So much of the next few months have become a blur to me, and I’m so thankful that I’ve blocked out much of those memories. My day would go like this: Get up, go to work, come back to his house, fight from 5 pm until about 3 or 4 am, get a couple hours sleep and repeat. I nearly lost my job. I could barely function because I was so sleep deprived and so depressed. Plus, I had no support system, no one to rely on. He had isolated me from everyone. I didn’t see my brother, one of my best friends, for more than three months. He intimidated me, threatened me, degraded me, insulted me and even physically harmed me. Yet he was so good that I was convinced he truly cared about me, and was doing everything for my own good.

Then one day, I called one of those 800-number hotlines, that you think only get used on TV. I wanted to know what the definition of an abusive relationship was. After the conversation, I finally realized that if I had to ask, I was probably not in a good situation. So I called my brother, who had nearly given up on me, to ask for his help. He dropped everything to come take me out of that horrible situation. It was really hard to leave. In fact it took about 6 hours for me to actually get in Tim’s car and go. I am so thankful that he never gave up on me.

The months following were still hard. I wanted to go back so often, but I was slowly building my support system back. I had friends who insisted I call them instead of calling him. I am so grateful to those friends and my family who stood by me through those tough times. My brother invited me to move in with him. It was supposed to be for about a month, which quickly turned into six. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

It is my hope that no one EVER have to live through a situation like I did. So here’s the part where I ask for your help. First of all, share my story. Remember that it can happen to someone just like you and just like me. And every day it happens to someone’s sister, daughter, sorority sister, friend, co-worker, mother, niece, neighbor. I like to think that I’m about as normal as it gets, and that just proves how abuse knows no bounds. Second, take a stand. If you know someone who is being abused, let them know that no matter what, you’ll be there for her, no questions asked.

And third, I want you to know about what my brother Tim is doing to fight domestic violence. He will compete in Ironman Florida on November 3, 2007 – swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles and run 26.2 miles – and he is doing it to raise money and awareness of this issue. Tim amazed me when he opened his heart and home to me, and now, he’s doing it even more. I will be so proud to watch him cross that finish line, especially because I wasn’t allowed to go to his race last year. He inspires me daily.

There are days when I still have nightmares about what I went through. But I know God has a plan. Because of my experience, I have become a much stronger person who knows what she is capable of. And right now, that’s spreading the word about domestic violence and abuse so it can stop and not affect one more girl just like me.